Pine Cove Expectations

Crossroads Bible Church High School Student Ministry
Pine Cove No Agenda Retreat, January 14-16, 2011.
Student Expectations

1. I understand that the adult staff is on this trip because they want me to have so much stinkin’ fun that I’ll have to have plastic surgery to have my smile removed from my face when I return. Hence, I will do what they say to do, when they say to do it. I will put on The Happy Helmet and do The Happy Dance immediately preceding my compliance.
2. I understand that the nice folks at Lone Star Coach employ professional drivers who have gotten plenty of rest and have great buses in great condition. I will listen to the professional, rested driver and obey all the instructions given as if they will lead me to buried treasure and a life of leisure. I will pick up my trash on the luxury motor coach. I will not spill anything in the luxury motor coach. I will do everything possible to keep the motor coach luxurious. I will enjoy the movies Despicable Me! And How To Train Your Dragon and laugh at the appropriate times.
3. Even though I’m amped about this trip like Jim Carrey in that movie when he drank too much Red Bull, I’ll slow down and be very nice and considerate of anything the adults ask of me, especially the the Pine Cove staffers. And, I’ll even check my thought processes and be nice to my friends. I will use this weekend as an opportunity to work on my social skills and certainly won’t be as rude as Jim Carrey was in “Yes, Man” when he had too much Red Bull and punched that guy. Remember that scene? It was funny. But don’t do it or anything like it. That’s the movies. This is real life. Those were actors. The only acting you can do is acting like a nice person. Well, try to BE a nice person. Not just act like one. We can tell if you’re acting. Let’s be honest. You’re no Meryl Streep. You’re not even Miley Cyrus and/or Hannah Montana.
4. I understand that any and all injuries and/or illnesses will be reported IMMEDIATELY to my cabin leader. If it’s for real, it will be dealt with in a courteous and compassionate manner by trained professionals at Pine Cove. If you’re whining just to whine, your cabin leader may mock you repeatedly and relentlessly in front of your peer group and/or behind your back. Toughen up, Buttercup.
5. I understand that there will be no PDA (public OR private displays of affection) at any time while on CBC property, luxury motor coaches, less-than-luxurious vans, Pine Cove property. You will also refrain from PDA until you move out of your parent’s house or the age of 28, whichever comes first. There will be NO guys in girls cabins or girls in guy cabins FOR ANY REASON, EVER.
6. The legal drinking age on this trip is one day older than the oldest person you know, including grandparents. If you think you qualify, please tell your parents. Parents, if you are told this, please contact a licensed counselor because they’ll need that more than a weekend at Pine Cove. The laws of Texas and the U.S. Constitution do apply on this retreat. This means YOU, Lauren King. 
7. I understand that food & drink are necessary for our species to survive. Hence, out of consideration for the human race to continue, I will attend all meals ON TIME, which happen to be at 8:30AM, 12:30PM and 6PM. If I’m not on time, Brent can shave my eyebrows…with a straight razor without shaving cream. And if you’ve ever seen how unsteady his hands are, well, you really don’t want to be late, man. I will EAT said meals (even if I’m not all that hungry). I will care for the human race and perpetuate the species far beyond just being on time and eating…but I will NOT violate the rules of PDA in order to perpetuate the species. Really? Did your mind go that route? Seriously?
8. I understand that sleep is NOT a weakness. Hence, I will be considerate of others when it is time for “lights out.” I’ll even be considerate of folks who decide to nap in full daylight hours while I’m in my cabin. Failure to comply with this mandate will involve Brent pulling your bottom lip over your head. Brent will not be responsible for corrective plastic surgery should this method be applied and you’ll likely go the rest of your life looking like one of those Aborigine natives with the disks in their lip. You can be the subject of a Discovery Channel documentary. Or comply. Your choice.
(over, please)
9. I understand that the purpose of this trip is to spend time in the Word and evaluate where I am in my walk with Christ. I’ll leave others alone. I’ll consider chatting about spiritual things with adults and my friends. I may even worship with friends. This is nothing to joke about. Just keep reading.
10. I understand that this trip allows me to make new friends. I understand that I may not get to be in the same room/bus/event as my VBFFAEAE. I will go out of my way to work out problems in these areas and will do my very best to serve others and invite people I don’t know to sit at my table and all that jazz. I will be social and friendly. Social and friendly does NOT negate rule #4. In other words, if you hold hands or smoochy-smoochy, you can’t say, “But I was JUST being SOCIAL and FRIENDLY!” This means YOU, Nicole Pazary. 
11. I understand that practical jokes are supposed to be fun and all, but I promise NOT to do any this weekend. All that winds up happening is that clothes get ruined, beds get rendered unsleepable and friendships get goofed up. I WILL not touch anyone else’s bed, clothes, luggage, purse, wallet, etc. for any reason. Yes, throwing a cup of water into someone’s purse or bed is considered touching it.
12. I understand that NO open beverages (other than water bottles) or “open” food will be allowed to be kept in the cabins (they need lids or ziplocks). I will eat and drink outside my cabin, and I will throw away any trash I create. There’s been a lot of talk about carbon footprints and we need to keep the world’s government leaders happy and Global Warming to a minimum. We also need to keep wildlife out of our cabins. Allowing a raccoon in to snack on your open Doritos bag is not really wildlife fun. Speaking of carbon footprints, stomping the ants that grab your Doritos is NOT keeping government leaders or global warming to a minimum.
13. I’ll keep music players & mobile phone usage to the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM this weekend. By ABSOLUTE MINIMUM we don’t mean scaling back your normal usage (Brooke Nuorala). We mean using either ONLY WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY (Brooke Nuorala). Not because you’re bored (Brooke Nuorala)
14. I understand that any and all things NOT specifically covered in these rules will fall under that category of WWJD. If I do not know what Jesus would do, I will not guess at what He would do. I will ask a cabin leader. If they don’t know what Jesus would do, then I’ll ask Brent. He can usually figure out WWJD. If he can’t, he’ll make something up because he usually tries to be a big shot and doesn’t want to look silly, so you can just do what he says he thinks J would D and you’ll probably be safe on that. But if he does try to be a big shot, tell Tracy. She’ll pull his bottom lip over his head and stand on it, likely making him the subject of a Discovery Channel documentary about Aborigines.
15. Upon my return to CBC and life, I will choose to be a shiny, happy person. Yes. I’ll be tired. Yes. I’ll have had a long weekend and have homework to return to. Yes. I’ll be crabby. But, since my parents were gracious enough to pay for my trip, and they were kind enough to make sure I was packed and had everything I needed, I will choose to open up and tell them about all the great stuff I learned about my relationship with Christ, as well as choose to be kind and nice and pleasant. I will consider hugging them and meaning it. I will even tell them I love them and am thankful for them giving me such a great opportunity. In fact, I will choose to be kind and pleasant and loving and caring and grateful to my parents because they rule and are awesome and really have my best interest at heart. I understand it’s the least I can do to be loving and social with them upon my return. Well, that and by wearing The Happy Helmet and doing The Happy Dance.

As a parent, I understand that failure to abide by the intent of these rules as well as the letter, will result in the non-refundable trip home, of which I agree to come and pick up my child in the event of disregard for the rules.
As a student, I understand that failure to abide by the intent of these rules as well as the letter, will result in me calling my parents to come and get me after they won’t get their money back, as well as Brent raising his eyebrow at every single thing I do for the next six years.

Signed & Date (at least one parent & the student):